Sunday, November 4, 2007
WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University defines the term "ethnocentric" when used as an adjective: "centered on a specific ethnic group, usually one's own." Someone recently asked how did we come up with the name/term "Sistercentric". Well, a couple of "The Sisters" were chatting on the phone one night about names for this very blog and that is how the term "Sistercentric" was born. It's definition is much like the adjective form of the word defined above. However, it pertains to "sisters", which in the current African American Vernacular English is understood to mean black women in general. This term is NOT to be considered in the negative form that it's use as a noun might imply: "the belief in the inherent superiority of one's own group or culture."
This is for sisters, about issues related to sisters, and written (mostly) by sisters. Therefore, it is CENTERED on Sisters or "Sistercentric". While we will focus on the need for black women to expand their horizons when it comes to mate selection, that is not our only focus. Anything that is inspiring, uplifting, or promotes encouragement of self-improvement for Sisters will be featured here also.
In our little group of "Sisters" we lift each other up constantly.
It is our intention to foster an atmosphere of love, support, and positive acknowledgment of one another in the greater community of African American women.
That "greater community" as we recognize it is global.
The truth, is the world tears you down enough. You need a place to "come home to" where you are "celebrated and not (just barely) tolerated". Sistercentric is pleased to be a part of creating that space. A space and virtual place where you feel safe to be YOU, no matter how "different" that is from what the status quo thinks "you" should be! The sisters here are all "different" but that is not to be taken in the pejorative context of the term. "Different" can be a good thing, it's all about perspective. In support of "different sisters", we will be sharing stories of ordinary and extraordinary black women who have or are 'shakin' it up" and makin' thangs happen! We intend to inspire, provoke thought and facilitate dialogue on issues that relate to what sisters desire and need from life, their prospective partners and relationships. We hope to help you discover this: That you are "more" than what your community, your family and even YOU think you are! If you just make up your mind that you are able and indeed worthy, then you can be and do, anything you set your mind to!
In discovering more about YOU, it will become apparent that "You don't have to blow out anyone's candle to light your own" You can admire and appreciate the accomplishments of others and know that if she can do THAT, then you can do whatever it is you are meant to do, too!
Jealousy is often the bane of collective progress for a people who are marginalized. It's been called the "green eyed monster". A "cross-eyed monster" is a more apt description, as it causes you to not see straight! There's no room for "jealousy" in this forum. If you choose to respond to a post, please check that bitch "jealousy" at the door, cause she ain't welcome up in here!
There is plenty of "Fabulosity" to go around (That word we didn't create, it's in the dictionary!) Your Fabulosity, Mine, Their's, Ours. It's all good, because we have the power to choose to make it so. So let's explore it, expound upon it, celebrate it, and share it with men who can truly appreciate all the glory and splendor that is part of being a "Sistah".
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The majority of Black women who choose Interracial Relationships are not doing so as an affront to Black Men. Why then do many black men take it so personally?
"Flower Child in Brooklyn” said:
I think BM take it personally because they see us as their only true and remaining supporters, despite the fact that some make it abundantly clear that our support is neither wanted nor appreciated. BM are often raised by single moms who treat them as "little kings"; this fosters a sense of entitlement that they can have any/every thing they want from BW. I think it is with a sense of disdain and surprise to find that the women they count on to feed them and carry their egos are not waiting around for them to lose the royal attitude that they should be served and waited on. They compete with WM for everything they consider to be of material value and now they see they have to compete emotionally and physically as well for the attention of BW who choose to look elsewhere for companionship. When BM cross the line, they often do so for perceived status or to get away from what they believe is the BW's negativity and lack of supportiveness. I don't know of any BW who gets angry with a BM who fancies a WW based on simple attraction; the problem becomes when they act like WW are somehow better than BW. Yet, they don't want us to behave as though we feel any WM is better than they are ! BM are now faced with the fact that WW are discovering some of the same things that we always knew about them -- and they're finding in many cases that it's too late to come home, because some of us won't open the door. The ones who take it personally do so only because they feel they have a right to something that was never offered to them: Our undying loyalty even in the face of no reciprocity.
When thinking of the black man and their reaction to the possible missed opportunity at a fine "dime piece" the first emotion would be confusion due to PRIDE. It would be better to see a naked alien roaming the country side, then to see a black female which they feel rightly belongs to them taken away from the black blood line. Being internally racist is completely different then seeing what you want and don't have up close and personal. Secondly, it's the black man's "balls" the strength and weight of his balls, the belief that the "black balls" are massive in size. To be a great black man, the women you keep shows just how much balls your package holds. Then here we come smiling and grinning and shit with men the colors of ivory and butter but not chocolate, with looks on our faces as if we have "invisible happy butterflies" floating around our heads. However, to a good black man who wants the soft, free flowing, and supple brown figure that is a great black jewel, rest assured that anger will come for some. The site of the supposed "white devil" wrapped around fine gold jewelry is overwhelming at an eye’s flash: A flash of a lost possible mother to their children, a grandmother to tell them beautiful stories of you two together forever. When it comes to hatred it runs deeper than we all know, it comes from past relationships, childhood, or even that last blow job that went wrong from some cheating black bitch, where all signs pointed to love, until they saw you. So I don't believe that it is the black man's fear, hate or caring really that causes the reactions given or comments made. We are all good people with every potential to be evil and do and say stupid things and give ignorant comments due to pain, jealousy or hell even boredom. So why do some black men dislike interracial relationships between black women and other men? My simple answer is LOSS.
The "Night Nurse" further commented that:
Historically, black men had to deal with the abuse of black women by white men during slavery. Add that to the fact that black people have had to scratch and claw their way for everything like jobs, education and good places to live where white men have called the shots. The white man is seen as the "oppressor" in the eyes of black men. White men have promoted themselves as mentally superior to black men, while over time black men have been portrayed as physically and sexually superior, with bigger penises. So when black women date white men, it is never believed that we're settling for someone who is dumber or has less money or less education. In fact, some black men call us "gold diggers" because of their own perceptions of white men having more money. By and large, the flak that I think most black women get is because black men can't comprehend that a white man can sexually satisfy a black woman better than he can. It nauseates him to think we could have sexual preferences for white men. It is so much about CONTROL. Many men have a part of them that wants to control a woman and black men don't like the idea that they are losing "control" over women who they think are inherently theirs.
Finally "Special K" had this to say:
I think that one of the reasons that black men take black women dating interracially so hard is that they feel that they are "entitled" to us, they feel as if we “belong” to them. Many black men feel that the white man has everything else, but they have never had black women go willingly to them.
Black women are like toys to black men: “I'll play with you and when I am tired of you I'll toss you in the bin with my other used up toys. “ Then, when some one else wants the toy
that they haven't given a second thought to, their inner 2 year old comes out – “Mine, mine, mine !” They don't really want it, but they’ll be damned if their going to give it up to anyone else who does. Too few Black women have demanded that we not be treated as “toys”.
We sisters should show a sense of entitlement to ourselves. We belong to US-not any one else.
Not the black community , not to the black man, but to ourselves. Just because a man happens to share the same skin color as you does not mean that he is entitled to your loyalty, your spirit, your strength, your beauty, your feistiness, your life.
Monday, October 29, 2007
are well, "Sistercentric".
Why a group of women instead of just one? To provide divergent opinions derived from individuals who have a common interest: Creating a space in this world for Black women to discover that they have choices and options in finding a suitable mate. Choices to make, options to explore that they should feel free to exercise if it suits them. From to time we will also have posts from a "Brother of a different Color". A man who is open to or actively a part of an interracial relationship with a black woman. In other words, we'll give you some Yang to go along with the healthy doses of Yin we're serving up!
It should go with out saying, but you know you have to break it down for some people: These are our OPINIONS ! You may agree with them, you may not. Feel free to comment, but any outright disrespectful comments or those meant to be injurious will be summarily discarded !
So let us begin this journey of discovery together. You may be surprised by what you find if you open your mind!